Embracing Uncertainty: Understanding Grief and the Journey of Healing

Losing your mum is a profound experience that shakes the foundation of your world. The days that follow can feel like walking through a fog, where emotions swirl unpredictably and the pressure to "be okay" weighs heavily. I want to share why it’s perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed and why not having everything together is part of the healing process.

The Weight of Loss and the Reality of Grief

When my mum passed away, I expected to feel sadness, but I didn’t anticipate the full weight of grief. It wasn’t just sadness; it was confusion, anger, guilt, and exhaustion all tangled together. I thought I had to be strong, to keep everything under control for my family and myself. But grief doesn’t work like that. It’s messy and unpredictable.

Grief can feel like a storm that hits without warning. Some days, you might feel numb, other days, waves of emotion can crash over you. This is normal. The idea that you should "move on" quickly or "stay strong" is a myth that can make the process even harder.

Why It’s Okay Not to Be Okay

I learned that it’s okay to admit when you’re struggling. You don’t have to pretend to have it all together. In fact, pretending can delay healing. Grief is a personal journey, and everyone experiences it differently. Some people cry openly, others withdraw. Some find comfort in talking, others in silence.

Here are a few things I found helpful to remind myself:

• Allow yourself to feel: Every emotion is valid. Don’t push away sadness, anger, or confusion.

  
  

• Take one day at a time: Healing doesn’t follow a timeline. Some days will be better, some worse.

  
  

• Seek support: Whether it’s friends, family, or a support group, sharing your feelings can lighten the burden.

  
  

Recognising that you don’t have to be okay all the time can be freeing. It’s part of embracing the uncertainty that grief brings.

A quiet garden bench surrounded by fallen autumn leaves is a great way to escape and represents reflection and solitude

Finding Your Own Path Through Grief

No two journeys through grief are the same. I found that trying to follow advice that didn’t fit my feelings only added pressure. Instead, I focused on what felt right for me.

For example, I started writing letters to my mum. It was a way to express things I hadn’t said and to feel connected. Others might find comfort in creating a memory box, planting a tree, or simply sitting quietly with their thoughts.

Here are some practical ways to navigate grief:

• Create rituals: Small acts like lighting a candle or visiting a special place can provide comfort.

  
  

• Practice self-care: Grief can drain your energy. Eating well, resting, and gentle exercise help your body cope.

  
  

• Be patient with yourself: Healing is not linear. You might feel better one day and overwhelmed the next.

  
  

The key is to find what helps you feel grounded and supported.

When Grief Feels Too Heavy

Sometimes grief can feel unbearable. If you find yourself stuck in deep sadness or unable to function, it’s important to reach out for professional help. Therapists and counsellors trained in grief support can provide tools and a safe space to process your feelings.

Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It’s part of taking care of yourself during a difficult time.

A single lit candle on a windowsill at dusk, symbolizing hope and remembrance

Moving Forward While Honouring Your Mum

Healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means learning to live with the loss and carrying your mum’s memory in a way that feels meaningful. Over time, the sharp pain softens, and you find moments of peace and even joy again.

I found that sharing stories about my mum with family and friends kept her spirit alive. Celebrating her life, rather than just mourning her death, helped me find balance.

If you’re on this journey, remember:

• Grief changes over time but never fully disappears.

  
  

• It’s okay to laugh, smile, and enjoy life even as you grieve.

  
  

• Your mum’s love remains a part of you, shaping who you are.

  
  

Grief is a journey without a clear map. It’s filled with uncertainty, but also with moments of healing and hope. Allow yourself the grace to feel everything, to stumble, and to find your own way forward.